Dear fellow-voters of Singapore General Election 2011,
My utmost concern goes out to you during this stressful period of time. Of course, you would not need any reminder that on 7 May, your tiny piece of paper (I am hoping the Poll Card is not too big; imagine the trees killed.) will carry the weight of the next five years. At times, I've found the onslaught of the media – suddenly the “News at 5” has no world news worthy of report - and the Internet – now, this is to me, a most untrustworthy medium, or is it ? - overwhelming. Other times, I was nauseating over Pierre Png's on-the-hour solemn television appearances showcasing his acting chops gathered from Channel 8 drama series. Finally, after days of torment, I have to let my hair down. And sprouting jokes about the election becomes the order of the day at the office for me – though some of my colleagues wouldn't agree, having been sucked into a hellish what-if-the-ruling-party-lost apocalyptic mood. So, my heart goes out to you voters, especially those from the hotly contested Aljunied GRC – really, no political party with the people's interest at heart should put you through this, and the ruling party is not absolved from blame either. So much so that I have decided to come out with something for the voters from Aljunied on polling day: a box of coins. Yes, you read me right the first time: I will be at the polling station with a box of coins. Call it head to vote for PAP; call it tail to vote for WP. Or vice versa. Whichever. You flick the coin, you decide. And you even get to keep it.
I am preparing for a full-scale heart-attack, or a mild stroke at least on 7 May 2011. Good luck and rest well!
Friend A: “So, have you decided who to vote?”
Friend B: “Of course...Nicole Seah! Only one problem...I am not from Marine Parade Constituency leh.”
Friend A scratches head.
P.S.: Don't tell me you don't know who is Nicole Seah - especially if you already know Tin Pei Ling.
My favourite punch line: “...if you look at Hougang yourself, Hougang is not a slum.", by WP secretary-general Low Thia Khian, the driver-slapping co-driver.
Imagine if - and I'm just saying it hypothetically - he wins at Aljunied, he would, with teary eyes, shout to his supporters: "Hougang is not a slum! Hougang is not a slum!" And the crowd would go wild.
Now, if you haven't, at any point of time, laughed while reading this post, I think you should see your doctor for voter-stress. Go now. Save yourself. Before 7 May.
Enough is enough.