Friday, March 23, 2007

BIts and Pieces II

A somewhat personal, similar piece I wrote here ...

I tried in vain, to forget, to forgive myself; to live, as if nothing matters, as if I don't exist. She told me I do not take life seriously, as if it were a passing whim. I thought that was vague, and rebutted her so. Yet deep down, I knew what she meant.

On a restless evening, as I gazed into the crowd waiting for the train, she completely caught me unguarded, asking: "So, what's on your mind?" Her long raven hair swayed in the light breeze. To this day, I have wrapped this memory, tenderly, in a secret chamber of my heart.

A sailing boat, gentle rays of sun, sat on mildly undulating, placid water. Not a whirl of wind; the tiny, red rag hanging, despondent as a flag on the tip of the mast. A pair of sea birds circles high in the clear blue sky, hardly a cloud. Solitude emanates.

I think of her often - perhaps not enough. She was standing motionless in contemplation; head cocked, at the list of premium tea and coffee on the wide board, its top at an angle against the ceiling. "So, found anything you like?” I quipped something to that effect. A split moment passed before she turned to me, giving me a wide, mesmerising smile, her eyes almost a slit. I don't know whether she heard me, or had she already saw me heading for the restroom a few minutes before, and was waiting, to let me know, she was doing well.

Alone, silence abounds; serenity, yet to be found. Spacing out, gazing at a lake afar; in prayer, for a meaning to life.
(I found the words written in blue ink at the cardboard back of my lecture pad. Strange, that I forgot my signature, and the date. The date: the ink still fresh, but the thought, seems a thousand years away. Where and why I wrote it, I have no recollection. Perhaps, I was remembering the Saturday that I jogged to the nature park. Breathing hard before the lake, gazing deep into the insipid water tinted with the surrounding greenery, I felt my life wasted, slowly, like the water flowing into dark nothingness.)


Whiskoffee said...

Existential reflections?

The Horny Bitch said...

She'll be thrilled to know if she's running through someone's mind..