The King of Lame Jokes

I proclaim myself THE KING OF LAME JOKES. I am totally serious. Don’t believe me? Okay, okay, I just enjoy writing these that’s all, so bear with me. Please?! Furthermore, all these are original, had actually happened or are part of my imagination.

ACT 1

Yep, this actually happened…

When I was in Pre-U for 3 months, there was this A4 size poster of Belinda Carlisle in our classroom. A group of guys were sitting around, chatting, doing nothing much. Out of the blue, I suddenly blurted out:” Hey, later, don’t switch off the light okay.” Predictably, a friend asked why. “Well, Belinda is here you know, we ‘gotten leave the light for me, I’ll be back before you close the door’ (singing Belinda’s “Leave the light on for me” out of tune)…” Silence followed (*a crow cried out while flying past*). One lad put a finger next to his head drawing circles.

…Okay, okay, this is only part-autobiographical, as no silence followed; just polite laughter. And certainly no-one thought I was weird. Er, I think…

ACT 2

Now, this is totally true, no joke…

First year in college and we could see a lot of the second year students high on stress. Over a weekend, two girls were said to have climbed over the high wall into the school compound, only to be caught trespassing. Their reason: they just couldn’t concentrate for the exam except in school. The incident stirred up some commotions among us. On a bus trip home, a buddy and I just happened to touch on that subject, and I was rather candid that day, commenting:” While, if they can claim they can’t study elsewhere, we may as well say we can only pee in the school toilet what!” My bubby broke out in tears of laughter.

As you can see, I had found my match:-D…

ACT 3

This, I owed it to the National Library Board (NLB) for inspiration…

I am usually, pretty excited at this time of the year. READ! Singapore is here and you can see hanging all around, posters of a young lady - all silky black hair flowing and small lips – bending slightly with big expressive eyes on a large pile of books in both arms. This day, I was at a library in the west when I noticed for the first time, a small print at a corner of the poster. It said: DEAR – Drop Everything and Read. I know, that would mean nothing much, except to a weird child like me.

Now, this is pure Sci-Fi fantasy. Somewhere in the future, that poster could be a revelation. Imagine it like one of those at Cathay Cineplex with moving graphic. The young lady would be walking to a low coffee table, putting the books on it, flicking on a standing lamp before ensconcing herself on a comfy sleek sofa. All was quiet as she picked one up from the pile and began to engross herself in it. Sensuously, delicately, she put one hand on the front of her cotton shirt and began to unbutton it till her heaving flowery brassiere reveals; a second skin to her slim, lithe body. Piece by piece, her garment came off, and she sat cross-legged, naked like a newborn baby, luscious skin gleaming under the lamp. All this time, her concentration stayed unwaveringly on the opened book in her other hand.

…Now, if that is not dropping everything to read, I really don’t know what is. NLB would be so cool and trendy then – not that it is any less now.