Contemplation Before Sleep

If love is found wanting as you lay in the dark, staring at the empty ceiling, the air damp and sultry, you think of what could have been. Have you done everything required? Or is everything predestined? You struggle to fight off the guilt like fire burning a hole in your heart; loneliness only seems like ashes in the wind. Turning to the side, hiding your hand under the pillow, you think of your past relations: all those who left without your appreciation or as much as a second look. Then, you contemplate what is wrong with you. Have you somehow set too high an expectation? Or are you just chasing after the shadow of first love?