Monday, December 12, 2005

Dear Tracy...

Dear Tracy,

I woke at two plus in the morning, and simply refused to fall back to sleep. Just that evening before, my second elder sister had told me that she wanted to introduce me a girl and asked for my opinion. I was pretty much surprised, elated at first, for that was the first time that such a pleasant thing had happened to me. But I remained tongue-tied as my heart held some reservations. Engulfed by the tranquillity of the night, I begun to ponder over my hesitation. Somewhere in a corner of my heart, unknowingly, your name burnt, and the wave of memories comes alive.

I remember fondly those days when we used to spend so much time on the phone, talking about your travel, your students, our childhoods and school days. I could not forget the only time we had a dinner alone together; you had your fish and chips without any sauce, you like it plain you said.

I have always admired your patience and listening ears, which were obvious, especially in this age of instant gratification. I was younger then, and time being so precious, I thought I deserved more out of my life. I shamelessly demanded for that, and with the same ferocity, I demanded for more of your time. Perhaps it was all too fast and too much, I see that now. Your heart is with your teaching career, that I know and respect, and it would take a lot, or perhaps your life to peel you away from it. And that is precisely why I stopped calling. I never meant to change you in anyway, not in the past, not now. I thought I should accept that being part of you. But I just could not deal with it. I would be kidding myself if I were to continue with our relationship on your terms; not seeing each other and talking on the phone till 1 am in the morning. No, that won't do. So I chose to walk away, silent without any explanations. And in my heart, I wish that you find true happiness, but I also suspect that you may already have. Before I appeared, you are already contented with your life, making it all so much easier.

PS: Trace, I think I will just tell my sis, if she mentions again, not to bother. With Cynthia, I will take it slow and I will not walk away without a fight this time, that I promise.

1 comment:

Alphabet Moppet said...

We all learn gradually as we grow .. if a Tracy makes you learn how to appreciate a Cynthia in the process, i'm sure she'll be happy that she helped too, in a weird way.