About Loneliness

When I started blogging, it was played pretending to be a journalist, a columnist, a book or music reviewer all roll into one. In-between, there were rambling, of course, and tinge of loneliness crammed into tiny pockets of each post, that is, if you haven't noticed. In other words, I just wanted someone to converse with at the end of the day in the privacy of my room.

Loneliness once - I said "once" as it seems such a long time - clouded my mind. I never thought I'd survive, for loneliness shredded my soul and fed it to the mad mongrels. At least, that was how I felt. I was vexed before I turned to books and writing, for I thought they held the answers after my silent pleas to close friends either fell on deaf ears, or led to absurd yet kindly advices. Books, those self-help books can be like signposts, and writing, it analyses and decomposes knotty issues before discernment.

Part of the puzzle was that loneliness would hit anyone, anytime, like passing rain. You may be out partying, having a raucous time with your best of friends, or a quiet evening with your special someone, yet everything would suddenly turn awry, with a dark cloud descending, like a hideous fiend paying a surprise visit. You would feel all lonely then, though you know you are not alone.

I need no-one to cry for, to laugh with or to justify my existence. But it was a struggle, still is, for each day of my life, for you won't know exactly what you're going to face each time. It happens to everybody. Just that without someone to fret over and think of, I have more room in my mind to accommodate a wider spectrum of emotions.

I like to think I am getting better all the time at being alone without feeling lonely...

PS: I was in a fast food restaurant this evening, when it hit me that I am almost always alone for my dinner after work. I felt a need then to jot this down as a note to self.