I'm just not committed. It's obvious isn't it? If you don't put all your heart into something, you won't get anything out of it. As the saying goes, you reap what you sow. I've always known I've more interest in writing than public speaking - no doubt about that. But somehow that serves as an excuse in my mediocre performance as a Toastmaster. My progress as a speaker has stalled for some months now. The fire in my belly waning. I still attend the meetings. But I have stopped preparing for speeches, or appointments. Practice is the key to public speaking. Preparation is golden, to say the least.
I'm frustrated somehow, as I see one by one, my members disappearing from meetings, becoming like ghosts from the past; glorious memories remain, yet at times painful and almost teary.
There are things I've learnt in the club other than public speaking: working with people, cultivating a serving heart, looking at the big picture - the show must go on, no matter what.
In the club, I try to lead by virtue and example, unless in a military setup I think. My president has been a military man for the past twenty years. His words are cast in iron, so things which can be matter of life and death moves faster. Not by my standard; noway, nohow. But maybe, I'm just tired - of everything, or life in general. I could almost feel my heart drop to the ground when another whispered to me today that she would be too busy for next year. I don't know which I detest more: her discontinuity, or that she had said it before me. This must be the first time that I'm feeling more tired than high after a Toastmaster meeting.
At least I have my writing, my blog, just like an old-time faithful friend:-)