On a not so different note, I think: am I reaching my mid-life crisis earlier or what? My mood has taken a nosedive - no, not in shallow water. I saw darkness in depth of sea; saw the sweltering sun shrank, till it became a tiny blob. In despair, I clung to a dream of a better time. But who is kidding who. The world passes me by as I stand, watching and sinking into a pool of denial in desperation. The truth is too thick to bear, for I alone face the world - my world.
I don’t know how long it will be before I let go and free everything - mind and soul in essence. It will be an almost painless reprieve – death that is – before my reincarnation, if there is one…
To mum, dad and sis,
XXX"I need to go now, sorry people – not for going, but for not telling before I did so. I guess I have to give you people a good reason for this ending. I wish I could. But the truth is I am just tired – tired of living, working and losing. Yes, losing: I am a loser through and through. I have never learnt the way of life, of success or happiness. I only know how to run away like Tom Hank in that movie with that famous box of chocolates. And I have tried to adapt but found myself falling short repeatedly. I never had the slightest idea what to do with my life, which really scared me. My dreams, if any, lay in tatters. It’s like my life had been sucked out of me; all that remained was an empty shell. I couldn’t even bear to look at myself in the mirror. Yes, it was that bad. Now I don’t have to deceive myself or anyone anymore. That is the best thing I have done for myself. I just can’t continue living that life. So this is my only way to happiness and release. I can’t hope for any understanding, just that I think I need to let you people know. Really thanks for everything that you all had done for me. I was blessed with a great family, I know. Love you all."
Signed
No comments:
Post a Comment