More than Tolerance

I swear I am not one for politics other than those in an office. Call me ignorant, and it only started to seep into my thick skull that the culture, the human factors, the "big brother" in an office are just like each tiny piece of a miniature model scaled down from the real thing that is a nation. Reading Kenny Sia's entry on the Sarawak Tribune's controversy ignited a chain of thoughts that knows no return - like an olden days steam train chattering through snowy mountains and plains for eternal.

I have to say firstly that in the face of racial and cultural integration, free speech seems like only a small price to pay. But seriously, does curbing one’s voice truly resolve the heart of the issue? At my office, concern on tension and anger sparked off by work-related confrontations or personal human conflicts frequently hits the agenda of meetings or interviews. Until one point, the big boss (“The big brother”) had enough and addressed a roomful of us like little kids for fighting during playtime. That was to be one of the low points in her career, in my opinion. “Don’t quarrel lah, treat each other politely…” she coaxed; almost like a light tap on my palm, not even a slap.

Taking a step back, you ask why we have exchanges that end up ugly in the first place. It isn’t that they exist only between the two different races – the Chinese and Indian - in the office. Yes, we all have differences – of opinions on who should handle a tough case, what is the right method or procedure and so on. The differences, due to selfishness (now this is the lowest), out of pure frustrations of the circumstances or a need to stand out for your beliefs to do the right thing – whatever the reason, tolerance they say is the key. But is that all to it? – Tolerance and more tolerance?

I prefer this: before exploding into a scorching ball of fire to bring the other party down - words and thoughts included - fairly or unfairly, take a pause. For words as criticism, regardless of intention, can be as brutally sharp as a knife thrust into the heart of a human: sensitive or not so sensitive. I am not saying that one should just shut up, or rather just tolerant. For some things, especially the human’s mind and emotions have to be tackled delicately, diplomatically, like chasing cotton wools to a corner of a room – not with a striking stick but with the nature force of wind tactfully applied. You can’t just bend them, like bamboo cane with a lethal backlash. I simply adored the saying that to get what you need from others, you should always find out what they want. This can be achieved with questions, patience and observations: that is to understand. With which, you will get the best out of a conflict. Some compromises from both parties may be needed.

I wish to conclude that in any human establishment, be it a family, an office or a nation, conflict is only inevitable yet constructive, for it can be followed by understanding, which would make tolerance sounds primitive, even obsolete as a social value. Or perhaps tolerance is more than just taking that pause.