I feel exhausted at times, tired of running away from myself and the shapeless, faceless foe. Maybe it is time to make peace, stop fighting and accept it as part of me. We are never alone - always carrying "baggage" of the emotional type. It is a stigma of some sort, representative of me. Friend or foe, I give a name to it - "Bachelor’s Stress" - which is the shortest vivid description that I can come up with, although the name by itself does not explain much. I do not know much about it, only that it gives me a feeling of emptiness and pangs of guilt that I have only myself to blame for my predicament. I have been trying to come to term with it for the past year now. It's origin? I guess as age catches up, a need for emotional intimacy is developed. It creeps up slowly into your heart, fills your heart with grief and little by little, like a screw, it starts to tighten its grip to squeeze out any other emotions. It can be suffocating as a result. I can't really tell though, which is more agonising; the need for intimacy or the guilt. It can be a sign of maturity, of wanting to connect on a deeper level with a fellow human being that a member of the same gender can’t provide. But on the negative, it is a curse. I sure hope that the curse will not eventually eat me up, turning me into another person.
PS: One thing for sure, going around having one night stands or worst still, date raping, seem like such senseless act. In short, "Bachelor’s Stress" has nothing to do with sex; I can swear my life on that.