I may have thrown my temper at you at times. Sometimes, it is because I felt that I needed to change you. On these moments, I would have not only let myself down, but also you as a friend, if I had remained silent; I only meant good. On other days, which would usually be my “off” days, I ran out of patience, sometimes either with myself or you. But most of the time, it is the situation, which usually comes out of this imperfect world, including me and you. I guess I am still trying to come to term with human’s imperfections, especially of myself. I refuse to be seemed doing wrongs. I want to be seemed perfect amid all the flaws. You may have realized by now that it is the hardest task to deny all of one’s flaws. On one hand, denying will only serve to remind others of your flaw; to put the spotlight on it, so to speak. One will also not learn to accept one’s flaws, where acceptance is probably the first step towards removing them. On the other hand, it is a self-protection mechanism in an office place. After all, who do not make mistakes? It is all a matter of who will know and how much they know. As my boss observed about my supervisor’s treatment of some colleagues from other branch: most mistakes can be sweep under the carpet.
So, I am in a sort of dilemma. My focus has always been on personal development, but recent events have prompted me to put up a defensive wall. Where do I compromise then, between wanting to learn from my flaws and not wanting to be too “honest” so as to reveal my incompetence in certain area to all? Just maybe the following can serve as a general guide:
1) Treat criticism and advice similarly; assess the value that could be learnt and decide whether to take it as part of yourselves. Thereby, do not be too quick to react emotionally, however, take a quick breath, think and then respond.
2) Do not volunteer to tell others that it is your fault. Never do so out of free will! Pure stupidity, this is! The fact is you can’t learn more by doing so.
3) So should we get out of situations by using words or glibness, then? Maybe. If only to cushion the fall. None of us likes to be reminded that we have flaws or are inferior to others. I guess pride plays a big role. I do not wish to be put down either.
4) I realized that I tend to make basic human errors. So I have to make sure I would not make any more of them. So stay alert and focus.
5) If the matter turns for the worse and a mistake is made with serious consequences, the first thing to do is to look for all possible methods of rectification, follows by being mentally prepared to face the music if all fails. Be ready to be whip hard, for just maybe, you deserve it.
PS: I sincerely apologize to myself for letting myself down over the years. And this will be the last time I would apologize to anyone out of free will.